Just A Warning
Yeah, ummm...so if you've got people in your house (or living in someone else's house as is our case) and you're doing the baby dance,
MAKES SURE THE BABY MONITOR IS TURNED OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oy vey....I need my own house.
I was playing on my MacBook this morning once again while I should have been doing something productive (like showering or doing laundry...) and I found this website—
www.trendytadpole.com. I LOVE THESE SHIRTS! I'm not sure which one is my absolute favorite, so thought I'd post a couple of them.
This one is probably the one I like most. It's very simple—tres chic
These two designs are on separate shirts, but they're by the same designer. I think they'd look super cute together.
Do they have this in MY size????
This one probably made me laugh the most. I wasn't allowed to experience most of the 80's. Not really sure I would have been much of an AC/DC fan anyway. I think if I had a boy, I'd definitely get this one!The other thing that I really like about this place is that they accept PayPal! I love PayPal. PayPal is my...well, I guess my pal
A Light at the End of the Tunnel
Thanks to all who posted comments to my
last post. I have such amazing friends! The line that really hit me between the eyes was when my friend Felicia said,
"Don't punish Ben for another man's sins." I realized at that moment that's exactly what I've been doing. My poor husband!!!! I've prayed a lot in the last few days about what I need to do. I think it's going to take a while to figure out exactly how I need to move forward. But for now, I'm moving forward, and leaving
him behind me. So in celebration, I want to share with everyone just how blessed I am.
My husband, Benjamin, is an amazing man. He has his own baggage just like the rest of us, but Adriana and I are always in the forefront of his mind. He has shown me nothing but unconditional love when what I really deserve is to be smacked upside the head! He works his butt off so that I am able to stay home with Adriana—not to mention to pay off all the debt we got into while he was in school (which is a huge undertaking...). He's a wonderful husband and an amazing father! I couldn't ask for anything better.
My daughter, Adriana, is truly a gift from God. If you've never read our
birth story, take a quick jaunt over there. I personally think it's quite amazing.
While I was in the hospital, the night before we went home, I was just sitting there next to her bassinet weeping (partly because of hormones and lack of sleep) because I was so elated that she was finally here—a life-long dream in the flesh! And I believe that God spoke to me at that moment (call it what you want—I believe it was a prophetic word) and said, "Because of the tears of a mother for her child, many will be saved." She's a blessing to everyone who comes in contact with her. She has a smile for everyone she sees, and she loves without reserve. I'm telling you, this girl is going to change the world.
We have clothes and shoes, a roof over our heads, and food in our stomachs, and a job to pay the bills with a little money left over to save. I have an amazing house church family who continually encourage my walk with God. And I have God—not just a religion, but a relationship—a two way relationship. He really has given me so much. Much more than I deserve. Enough to help me keep walking until old wounds can heal over.
Blessed by Martina McBride
I get kissed by the sun each morning
Put my feet on a hardwood floor
I get to hear my children laughing
Down the hall through the bedroom door
Sometimes I sit on my front porch swing
Just soaking up the day
I think to myself, I think to myself
This world is a beautiful place
I have been blessed
And I feel like I've found my way
I thank God for all I've been given
At the end of every day
I have been blessed
With so much more than I deserve
To be here with the ones that love me
To love them so much it hurts
I have been blessed
Across a crowded room
I know you know what I'm thinking
By the way I look at you
And when we're lying in the quiet
And no words have to be said
I think to myself, I think to myself
This love is a beautiful gift
I have been blessed
And I feel like I've found my way
I thank God for all I've been given
At the end of every day
I have been blessed
With so much more than I deserve
To be here with the ones that love me
To love them so much it hurts
I have been blessed
When I'm singing my kids to sleep
When I feel you holding me
I know
I have been blessed
And I feel like I've found my way
I thank God for all I've been given
At the end of every day
I have been blessed
With so much more than I deserve
To be here with the ones that love me
To love them so much it hurts
I have been blessed
Whoever thought you could praise God with a country song? *wink*
In a Tizzy....
I don't know what exactly a "tizzy" is, but if it means anything like being kicked in the stomach and having your insides ripped out your throat and thrown in my lap and left to put everything back together by myself, then that's the word to describe how I feel right now.
Somehow I got sucked into the "
MySpace" phenomenon. And just like anyone else would, I was searching for old high school buddies. Well, long story short. I stumbled upon a picture of my first boyfriend. For those of you who don't know the story, here's a quick recap:
I was 14, he was 18. I think we went out for a total of six weeks between Thanksgiving and the beginning of the year. He decided for whatever reason, he wanted to have sex with me. I was 14. The ONLY thing I knew about sex was from the 12 page book my mother had given me for my birthday the year before. And believe me, it wasn't much of anything. He committed the equivalent of sexual assault (though it was closer to attempted rape). By God's grace, my mother came home from work. By the Enemy's hand, her first and only question was, "What did you do to make him think he was free to do that?" Nothing more. That threw the relationship in the toilet. What broke it up was that my close friend Denise (16) showed up at school one day with his class ring around her neck. She told me that he asked her to hold it for him during a swim meet the day before. Tim and Denise are married now with two children. And as far as I can tell, they live around the corner from where Ben and I live.
Here's where the tizzy comes in. They're happy. He has a killer job, she's a mom of two kids, took the family on a cruise last summer. It's been 18 years...they probably don't even remember me. I, on the other hand, have a wonderful husband with a great job, and a little angel of a daughter. And I cringe every time my husband even looks like he's going to touch me. It's not his fault. I've lived every day of my life with the shame of what he did to me...or what I allowed him to do because I was too scared and confused to push him away.
How is this fair? I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God does not allow things into our lives that He cannot use for our good and His glory. Except this. This is the one thing in my life where I've spend almost half of my life trying to figure out why it happened and what good can come of it. I can even find good in my abused and forgotten childhood. But not this. I don't want much. Just a good marriage and a family to take care of. I have them both. I have my dream of dreams. Only when things are supposed to be the most magical, at times it turns into a nightmare. How can my marriage (and ME!!!) thrive in that?
Oh Dear....
This is wrong...on SOOOOOOO many levels.
I debated with myself as to whether or not I should blog this. And I just couldn't keep it to myself. What's even funnier are people's comments at the bottom! This one was my favorite...
Man. This is hil-hairy-a$$. Yo Quero Taco Bell my Aunt Mary. Yo Quero HotDiggidyDoll!
I LOVE THIS THING!!!!!
I hate restaurant high chairs. EVERY time we put Adri in one, I feel like we have to disinfect her after we take her out! Most of the time the chair itself is fairly clean (i.e. no huge chunks of food), but the straps...oh the straps...those are DE_SCUST_ING!!!! So I was out shopping the other day and I saw
this at Babies'RUs. It's the Chicco Caddy Portable Hook-On High Chair. Very simple to use and VERY sturdy. It is AMAZING!!!!
Adri enjoying her ick-free meal at Red Robin for Daddy's birthdayThe picture is a little off because the lens on my cell phone is dirty. You can also catch a glimps of my newest invention—a sippy-cup lanyard! They make lanyards for pacifiers so kiddos can't toss them on the ground. Well, Adri loves doing the same thing with her cup. So I covered some elastic with some material (like a hair scunci). Then I sewed a loop on the end of a wide ribbon and then sewed the ribbon into the elastic band, and voila! A sippy-cup lanyard! She can toss it off the table all she wants, and it won't hit the floor!
Conversations With God
God speaks to me on a pretty regular basis. No, I mean He really talks to me. I don't hear audible voices, but I might as well. It's that clear. And I know it's not just my own thoughts, because I would never come up on my own with the things He says. I remember the first time I heard him. It was 5am and I was driving down Mark Dabling on my way to work at NavPress. Vivian was off work that day, so I went in early to turn on the phones. I was listening to "Awesome God" sung by Michael W. Smith on the radio. I was, as usual, singing at the top of my lungs, and all of a sudden, I hear (in my head),
GOD: "Do you really believe that?"
Brandi: I was stunned. "Are you talking to me?"
GOD: "Uh, yeah. You're the only one here." (see, God DOES have a sense of humor *grin*) "Do you REALLY believe that I'm that awesome?"
Brandi: "Well, of course I do..." (sheepishly) "at least I think I do...don't I?"
GOD: (gently) "If I'm so awesome, then why can't you trust me?"
At the time, we were in the deep of infertility pain, and I was really struggling with believing the promises He had given to me. He never accused me, never "hit me" over the head...He just asked me a question.
I had another conversation with Him last week. I was on my way to my sister's house to pick up my BIL and my two nieces to take them to pick up his car from the body shop. I turned off of our street and almsot immediately this red, sporty little Miata was climbing up my tail pipe. Normally I'd try to go a little faster until he can get around me. But it was a time of day where kids were coming out to wait for busses and walking to school, and I don't take any chances with that. I was doing 25mph, and he was peeking around the side (of a two lane road) and speeding up and slowing down—very obviously annoyed wtih me. He followed me doing this for about a mile. Then we both turned (onto another two lane road) and I sped up to 40 (no kids around and the speed limit was 35). Well, that wasn't good enough for him. He passed me going about 50mph on a two lane road with oncoming traffic!!! I was insensed!! I called him every name in the book I could think to call him and THEN some!!! That's when the conversation began.
Brandi: "I hope there's a cop down there! God, why is there NEVER a cop down there to catch these people!!!"
GOD: "Don't worry about him."
Brandi: "But do you SEE what he's doing???? He's going to kill someone!"
GOD: "Don't worry about him."
Brandi: "I just want to SEE it happen. Why can't I ever SEE it happen?"
GOD: "Why does it matter?"
Brandi: "Well, I'd just feel much better if I could see him get in trouble for what he did."
GOD: "So am I any less just if you don't SEE it?"
Brandi: *silence* "No, I guess not. I'm sorry...."
GOD: "It's okay. You worry about you, because you'll be accountable for YOU, not him."
A couple more blocks went by and I passed a church on the right. The church marquee boldly stated, "Healing Service tonight at 7 o'clock"
Brandi: "Yeah...right."
GOD: "Why do you say that?? Haven't you experienced My healing before?"
Brandi: "Well, yeah, but...I don't know. I've been taught for so long that those gifts are dead...."
GOD: "Haven't I shown you your own gift of prophecy?"
Brandi: "Definitely! I don't know...there are just so many frauds out there..."
GOD: "The other day, didn't your Mom have problems with the DVD player?"
Brandi: "Yeah."
GOD: "But it still works, right?"
Brandi: "Yeah, she just doesn't know how to use it. She's never been terribly technical."
GOD: "And just because they don't use my gifts right doesn't mean that the gift doesn't work."
I love my conversations with God.
