First Glimpse

I went in yesterday for my monthly OB appointment. I thought he would do an ultrasound to confirm my dates, but he only the doppler to hear the heart beat. It seemed like FOREVER before he actually said something positive. Before that, all he could hear was a large uterine artery. He finally found our little peanut hiding behind my pelvic bone. I'm not exaggerating when I say he had to have been poking around for a good ten minutes. He finally said, "well, I'm convinced that I heard it and it sounds good, but I want YOU to be convinced too." I appreciated it, but by that point I really had to pee, and he was making me sick, so I said I trusted him and that we could move on.

My biggest concern that I wanted to address with him was my desperation to go back on my bipolar meds. I think if I weren't living with my mother I wouldn't be having as much of a problem. But I _AM_ living with my mother, and we won't be able to move out until the first of May, so for now, I'm stuck with an untreated narcissistic, bipolar mother. Anyway, my point is that in initial studies (which aren't many because it's new), it looks like the med that I'm on (lamictal) may increase the chances of oral cleft problems (cleft lip or cleft pallet) in babies exposed during the first trimester. The studies published say an 8-10% chance, which isn't much, but when you're talking about 1--costly reconstructive surgery and 2--the impact it would have on the child even after surgery. It would NEVER change my love for my child, but others can be cruel. And if low risk is within my control, I'll do whatever I can to protect my baby. All that being said, I did a little research to see when exactly the pallet was formed. What I found said between 4 and 7 weeks gestation. I though that MAYBE if I could make it past those dates, I might be able to go back on a low dose and regain a little sanity. Well, my docs books said 6-12 weeks (which doesn't help me any), but he also made a comment during the search for the heart beat that he thought I wasn't quite as far along as we had thought. He thought maybe 8 1/2 weeks instead of just beginning my 10th week. Well, when you're talking about dealing with unmedicated bipolar disorder, that's a HUGE difference. So I asked him if I could possibly have an ultrasound before my next appointment just to make sure of the dates. I'd like to get back on my meds the moment that risk goes down. I ended up having to go to another practice who does backup for him, but I was able to get in this morning at 10am. Of course not before Satan had me completely convinced that something was terribly wrong. I was a basket case by the time I got there. Anyway, long story short, everything is fine. Peanut's growth is right on target for my LMP, so I am exactly 9 weeks and 3 days as of today, and the heart beat looks and sounds good!

So, without further ado, here's Peanut.

posted by Brandi at 11:50 AM | 1 comment(s)