Please Stay Seated Until the Ride Has Come to a Complete Stop.

Well, the roller coaster is over. We found out at my OB appointment this afternoon that the baby is completely gone--as in no trace that it was even there. We're not sure exactly how it happened, because between my last ultrasound and this one today, I didn't lose any tissue....or anything else. The doctor was kind of dumbfounded--especially because I never had any cramping or anything to go with it. And it's not like it was a chemical pregnancy--we ALL saw the baby on the ultrasound screen--heartbeat and all.

Ben and I have decided to name the baby Elijah Joseph. We chose this name for a couple of reasons. First of all, Ben (and a couple of other people) felt from the beginning that this baby was a boy. The other reason is the way the baby was there one day and gone the next, without my passing anything, and the doctor said he couldn't have been absorbed. You might think it crazy, but Ben and I believe that God just took the baby--just like He did Elijah in 2 Kings (but without the flaming chariot...we DO still have a LITTLE of our sense of humor). The doctor didn't have any other explination for it, and neither do we.

His middle name comes from the Old Testament account of Rachel in Genesis 30. Rachel, for whatever reason, was infertile--a very difficult burden to bear in those days (in these days too...). Anyway, God finally allowed her to get pregnant, and she gave birth to a baby boy.

23 She became pregnant and gave birth to a son and said, "God has taken away my disgrace." 24 She named him Joseph, [God will increase] and said, "May the LORD add to me another son."

God promised children to us a few years ago. Our prayer is that of Rachel's--that God would add to us another son or daughter.

Ben and I are at peace knowing that because of God's grace, he is in heaven with all those gone before him, waiting for the day he'll get to meet his family face to face. We will still wonder why, but we know that God is soverign and that this is for His glory and our good. And in HIS time (not mine), we will try again, most likely with Clomid this time (a fertility drug). I don't think my eggs can do the job without a little help.

posted by Brandi at 7:57 PM