Back By Popular Demand!

Okay, so no one really asked me for it. I just figured I'd post our story after the last couple of comments on my last post. Let me correct myself—we got engaged a month after we started "officially" dating. It was two weeks after he told me that he loved me that we got engaged. Below is a tag-team email Ben and I wrote to his cousin Janna in Michigan. I added the dates just to give you a frame of reference.

It all started so innocently.... *smile*

Brandi Brown came onto my team (Audrey's team) shortly after Labor Day last year (around the beginning of September 1998). At the time, I was the MIS Facilitator for the team, which means that if someone's computer wasn't working, I either fixed it or called MIS to get it fixed. This duty was in addition to my job doing data entry, so I had to balance my time between computer maintenance and mail production. We were in a time of transition (getting new computers), so there were a LOT of computer problems to deal with. Coupled with the fact that I also had to keep up my mail stats, it was very stressful. Audrey realized this, so she appointed Brandi to be my assistant MIS Facilitator. Brandi and I were good friends almost straight off; she was so easygoing and honest, it would have been hard not to be. We continued to become better and better friends through Christmas.

BKB: (Hey Janna—this is Brandi :-) A few weeks before Christmas, I began to realize that I kinda liked Ben, but I was trying desperately not to—mostly for fear that nothing would happen. So to keep myself from liking him, I used the excuse that I couldn't ever date him anyway, because he had long hair, and I didn't like long hair on guys. And the more I liked him, the more I said that to myself. Until one day just before Christmas, I finally got fed up and said, "Okay...God, if YOU want something to happen between us, then YOU'RE going to have to get him to cut his hair." And I left it at that; fully convinced that it wouldn't happen. Then I came back to work on December 28th, and it was all gone...I had to look several times to make sure it was Ben—I couldn't believe it! So once I got over the initial shock of him cutting his hair off, I started praying that we would have ore opportunities to get to know one another and become better friends. ...'kay Ben, it's your turn.

BPK: After that, we just kept getting to know each other better. I'd come by and we'd go on break together, or I'd take her to dinner, or I'd loan her CDs, or we'd to a party together. But we didn't really think we were dating. I did check with her once to make sure we were on the same page, because I didn't want one of us thinking more of the relationship that the other. WE both decided that we were just friends. Then the Columbine shootings happened in April. That kind of changed the tenor of our friendship...

BKB: In addition to knowing a number of students from Columbine, I discovered two days after the shootings that I also knew one of the kids who was killed. I worked at a daycare center during the summers when I was home from college, and Steven was there every summer. I even worked with his sister my last summer there. The whole thing hit close to home anyway, because I grew up in Littleton, and I had a lot of kids from Columbine as a youth leader at church. But when I saw Steven's picture on the news as one of the casualties, I completely lost it. So to keep my Mom from driving all the way down from Littleton in a snow storm (she didn't want me to be alone), I promised her that I would call Ben. I called him, and he came over and sat with me for...I don't know...three or four hours. He talked to me and reminisced with me and let me cry. He was always there when I needed someone. And when I was ready, he went to Columbine and Clement Park (the park behind the school where all the memorials were put up) with me. That's where the Lord started knitting our hears together as best friends.

(6/7)
BPK: Shortly after that, Brandi went out of state to be in her best friend Kim's wedding. While she was there, at least five people ask her if she and I were still "just friends". They told her that she needed to talk to me and make sure that we were still on the same page. So when she came back, she asked me. I had started questioning that myself, so when she asked me, it was a great relief. I said that I thought we were more than just friends, but I wasn't exactly sure what that meant. So we decided to officially date and follow the friendship and see how it went. If it stayed a friendship, then so be it; if our relationship deepened, we'd follow it that direction. That lasted for a little less than a month. Needless to say, it deepened...

(6/23-6/24)
BKB: A few weeks after that, I called home to see how my sister was doing (she was pregnant and had a bad case of toxemia), and my Dad said that I had a letter there from Fourth Baptist Church/School in Minneapolis. They had a position open for a high school English teach that fall, and wanted me to apply. My heart really is in the classroom still, though I've been out for three years. I didn't know what to do. I wanted to teach, but I didn't want to leave Ben either. So I prayed about it. I didn't really want to tell Ben, but he pried it out of me the next day. I think it kinda threw him for a loop too, because he was really quiet for the rest of the day. And when I asked him if he wanted to talk about it, he said, "yes, but I don't want to complicate this any more than it already is." So we left that night after work, and both went home to pray. I was trying as hard as I could to leave Ben out of the equation, because I knew he'd tip the balance, but at the same time, there were just too many obstacles to push through (like the timing, and I had to sign a new lease and break it if I got the job...). So I called and talked to my sister and brother-in-law, and they thought the same thing—there were too many obstacles. I prayed about it a little more, and felt complete peace about not applying. Then the next day Ben and I and Brian and his Dad all went to Denver to a Rockies game. Ben and I drove up alone so that I could tell him about my decision.

BPK: When I got it out of her that a teaching position had opened, it just completely knocked the wind out of me. I knew she had a heart to teach, and that she had desired so much to get back into the classroom. When I heard that she had the opportunity to do just that, it scared me. I had grown so close to her, the idea of being without her was overwhelming. But as much as I wanted to tell her that I loved her, I knew that it would weigh against her applying for the job. If it was God's will that she have this job, I didn't want to fight it. So I waited until she made her decision. When she talked to me about it on the way up to the ball game, I plied her with questions to make sure that she wasn't just dropping her life's dream for me. I would have been guilt-ridden if she had. Instead, she talked about how she had discussed it with her sister and brother-in-law, and that they though it wasn't a wise choice. Her reasoning seemed clear enough—it just didn't seem like God's timing. That relieved me. That night after the game, Brandi and I went for a walk. We took Misha with us, and we talked the whole time. For the first lap around the block, Misha was dragging us along; the second lap, we were dragging her. Poor dear ran around so much the first time around, she didn't have the wind for the second. When we got back to the house, we put Misha in the house to recover and sat out on the front step for about an hour. That's when I first told Brandi that I loved her.

BKB: And that was the first time I told Ben that I loved him (only we were on the street where when he FIRST told me :-). Anyway, the following Sunday we were sitting in my apartment after lunch, and out of the blue, Ben said, "You know, I'm having a really hart time not just proposing to you right now." And completely calmly, I said, "And I would say yes in a heartbeat, but I think we need to wait a little while." I think we were both kinda shocked at that one. But we went out to supper later that evening, and we talked about it a little more...we kinda started making plans here and there, but he hadn't really asked me to marry him. Se we went through a bunch of frustration with that, and finally talked to a friend (who is doing doing our premarital counseling and our wedding ceremony) about what we should do. He said that we were headed in the right direction, but that maybe we needed to set a specific time to just date and not talk about marriage. That way we would have time to think about what we wanted to do and still spend time together. So we both decided that a month sounded pretty good (at least that way we'd double the length of our "official" dating relationship). We decided that on Thursday...

(7/3)
BPK: Then on Friday night, we went to see Star Wars. We held hands through the entire movie. Afterwards, though I was an absolute nervous wreck. I had so many conflicting feelings that I got sick. Brandi noticed it and drove me back to my Jeep. That night I prayed that God would show me what direction to go. There were so many emotions and impulses pulling at me that I realized that I just couldn't stay where we were in our relationship. It had to go somewhere. On Saturday, we went on a picnic. This day was a day FULL of last-minute changes. Originally, we were going to go four-wheeling, but neither of us knew a good trail at the time, so we went picnicking at Palmer Park. As we were eating hot dogs on stale bread and with only mustard, we talked about how we felt about our relationship. I told her that I was simply waiting for her, because I felt like I knew her inside and out; in addition, the waiting time tables were really getting to me.

BKB: And what I didn't want to tell him was that I was only waiting, because I thought he wanted to so he could sort out his feelings (I already knew what I wanted...). So I told him all that, and that no matter how long we waited, it wasn't going to change how I felt. So right there at the picnic table, Ben, with his hands folded, and I, with my chin ever so romantically propped up on a bottle of Diet Pepsi, looked at me and said, "Well, I guess there's really only one thing left to say: Brandi, will you marry me?"

BPK: When she said yes, I went into "wow" mode. I couldn't believe what I had just done; I had just asked the woman I loved to spend the rest of her life with me. "Wow" was pretty much the extent of my vocabulary for the next hour. Brandi, on the other hand, was rather casual about it...at first. While I was "wow"ing, for example, she asked me if I wanted the mustard for my hot dog!!! Well, we decided (between "wow's") that it was a little too soon to be making up the wedding plans, so we went putt-putt golfing. After that, we went to the mall...

BKB: We started out going there to look for clothes for Ben, but ended up going to various jewelry stores looking at rings. We looked at three or four stores (he was still "wow"ing, so I had to do all the talking :-)). The last place we went to, we found exactly what we had been looking for, but we wanted to talk it over first. And the more we talked about it, the more we really liked that ring. So we finished the pretzel we were eating, went back, were approved for credit, and took the ring! Then we decided that we should probably drive down to Denver so he could ask my Dad. That's when I started "wow"ing, and Ben kinda calmed down. So we got to my parents' house (my Mom was in Indiana at the time with my sister and new baby), and my Dad was watching the Rocking game on TV (as usual). We finally got him to mute the television long enough for Ben to ask him if he could marry me. He said it seemed a little quick, but he liked Ben, and he didn't see any reason not to give us his blessing. At this point, the ring was still in the box, so we left their house and went to Clement Park—the park behind Columbine High School. We couldn't think of a better place to "officially" get engaged, since that was where our relationship began to change. Walking up that hill and looking at the school was still pretty difficult for me. For a few minutes, I just stood there looking at the back side of the school—the library windows still boarded up—pondering the irony of how something so precious could have grown from something so incredibly tragic. Then we walked a little further down the hill to get away from the other five people who were about to share a moment with us :-)

BPK: I knelt in front of Brandi and put the ring on her finger, then kissed her hand. We held each other for a little while, just absorbing the meaning of the moment. Then we walked (actually, floated) down the hill and back to the truck. I remember little of what was said on the way; at that point, I think both of us were stuck in "wow mode." But I do remember telling her, "I look forward to spending the rest of my life with you." When that REALLY hits you, knowing that you'll be living the rest of your life with a person, you don't really feel like more has to be said.

And that was the end of that email. This December will be our 8 year anniversary. That's really hard to fathom. We're probably going through the most difficult time of our relationship right now (with getting rid of debt and our living situation and infertility issues), but any time the enemy causes me to question whether or not I did the right thing by marrying Ben, the Holy Spirit takes me back to that moment in time when I first saw Ben with his hair cut, and I know that it was God orchestrating the beginning of a relationship He intended from the beginning of time.

posted by Brandi at 8:30 PM