The Waiting Game

TMI Warning: Depending on how long you've known me, you may or may not want to read this one.


Unfortunately it's a game I hate playing. I'd rather go back to Jr High school and play floor hockey in gym class—or even better, do rope climbing in front of everyone!! Once Adriana was six months old, I was ready to start trying for baby number two. Of course, at that point, Ben was still a contract employee with Area 101, and we weren't really sure if he would be hired on full time, so we didn't want to get ourselves into a bad situation. Then in September/October (after he had been hired on permanently) was our oh so lovely round of clomid. But I'm sure because my doctor was screwing around with my thyroid (lowering it when it desperately needed to be raised!), I didn't get pregnant then. In October we moved in with my parents in order to eradicate our debt that we accrued the four years Ben was in college and we were trying to live on my measly customer service income. And then if that's not enough to deal with, I was sitting in the living room the other night sobbing because I was so discouraged with our current situation—outside forces making us wait as well as needing intervention to even GET pregnant. So as I'm spilling my guts, my parents say....

get this....

"Maybe you should just be happy with the one you have."

[crickets chirping]

I'm sorry. Have either one of them been paying ANY attention to my life over the last three years?!?!?!?!?!?!? Do they remember all the doctor appointments and medicines and oh yeah, the TEARS!?!?!?!?!?!? I just don't get it. Then my Dad told me that he didn't think it was a good idea for us to have another child while we're living here. I can understand his point a little bit. We ARE living in their house. But we're moving to the basement in a few months (where there is plenty of room) and will be out of their way long before any child were to come along. I'm also planning on getting a part time job as soon as we get downstairs, so we'd set aside money to pay for labor and delivery as well as formula (since I can't nurse) and diapers. Obviously, Ben and I are fairly responsible adults. We're not going to have a baby if we're not able to provide for it. Do my parents really have the right to speak into our lives in that particular way? Do they really have the right to tell us not to have another child? When we came to them with the idea of moving in with them, they were fine with it. Any time I try to give them grocery money, they turn it down. My brother-in-law says they don't. And it's not like I can get pregnant and say, "oops! we didn't MEAN for it to happen!" We have to have medication and then plan every cotton-pickin' aspect of it! Not that we can get pregnant right now anyway. You have to have sex to get pregnant. And having sex with a toddler in her bed right next to you, your dog at the food of the bed, your parents in the next room with paper-thin walls and a very squeaky bed—well, it's just not going to happen. And since it's not our house, it's not like we can go somewhere else. So if you're a praying person, pray that we (read, "I") get the basement cleaned out (about 50 years of junk) and get the bedroom built soon.

posted by Brandi at 12:38 PM